For English this year, we had an assignment where we had to write a series of four essays on "where we live." At least one had to be tangible, at least one intangible, and the fourth was the longest, most formal of the four. I decided to post them here, just for Ravenclaw. They're not great, be warned. Also, they are largely unedited (I chopped out one paragraph from the last one in showing you guys, but no other corrections were made), since I never had time to make corrections before giving them back to be put in my writing file.
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When I was growing up, my dad frequently reminded me that “A mind is a terrible thing to waste”, and over time, I have come to realize that he was right. Everything I do and everything I say at some point is debated in my mind, planned carefully. I have worked to utilize my mental potential over the years, using the skills and capabilities I have been given to the best of my abilities. I believe that in undervaluing my thoughts and my point of view, not mapping out goals for myself in my head, I am betraying what is me in my truest form.
My mind is my fortress, the one place where I am exactly who I am, faults and all. I do not need to lie to myself, and in my head, I can voice the things that can never be said out loud or in writing. When I am in an unfamiliar setting, my thoughts are comforting, and I am able to convince myself that everything will be okay. Within the intangible world of my mind, anything is possible, and no barrier can stand in my way. I can reason through problems, looking at situations and savoring the moment when something just “clicks”, and the chaotic world makes perfect sense.
My mind is my permanent place of residence, because no matter where I am or what I am doing, my mind is always there, my brain racing through endless corridors of thought. While I may physically live in my body, I believe that it is my mind in which I truly reside, and that it is the part of me that truly defines me. My thought process is unique, and no one in the world has the same perspective on life that I do. It is this mental uniqueness which allows for me to be creative, coming up with solutions that no one else would think of, and creating the world the way I want it to be. The shape of my thoughts influences the shape of my life, through my actions and reactions, through my verbal conversations and written word.
There may be times, when my thoughts cannot stop racing, and I just want them to stop. It is times like these when my worries overwhelm me, and I cannot help but stress about what the next day will bring. It is in these moments when I would rather live out a hermetic lifestyle in a cave in the middle of nowhere rather than face the problems I have. However, it is also these moments in which I remember who I am, how far I have come, and how far I plan to go. It is in these moments which I need the power of an optimistic perspective the most, and when the constant stream of thoughts in my head prove useful.
My mind is what causes others to perceive me, and me to perceive myself, the way I am. I live in my mind, and even though my mind may change over time, I will always live there.
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It has been a long week, and today was particularly challenging. I just want to take a nap, but I have a large pile of homework sitting in my backpack, taunting me. Since I do not have the time to sleep, I do the next best thing—I take off my uniform and put on my favorite pair of pajamas.
This is the case most days, especially during the winter; I wear my pajamas from the time I get out of the shower after school to the time I wake up the next morning. Since I do not go out most nights, why should I get all dressed up, sacrificing comfort when I do not need to? During the school year, I virtually live in my pajamas.
Pajamas have always been my favorite type of clothing, because they are designed specifically for comfort. It does not matter if pajamas are just a bit too large, if they are mismatched, or if they have an odd message or design; all that matters is that they are comfortable enough to sleep in. This comfort allows for mobility, which is an added bonus. Since comfort and practicality are two of the qualities I value most in clothing, it makes sense that I spend copious amounts of time running around the house in fuzzy blue socks and baggy clothing.
My favorite pair of pajamas does not match, but that matters little to me. The shirt is a dark gray, long-sleeved t-shirt. The front of the shirt displays the name of a company my mom used to work for, although the bold, white letters have cracked over time. Although I would never wear this shirt in public, it is one of my favorite shirts to wear when I am around the house, because the sleeves are nice and long. The pajama pants that I wear most frequently, on the other hand, are near and dear to my heart for sentimental reasons. I received this pair of pants from a very close friend of mine, on New Year’s Eve during sophomore year. She switched schools not long after, and although we keep in touch, I rarely see her anymore. Although it sounds silly, I always think of her whenever I wear the lovely, light blue pair of pants with multi-colored reindeer and white snowflakes.
I am a person who likes routine, and the old, familiar things in life comfort me. I have found that something as simple as wearing my pajamas seems to help make the most stressful conundrums seem more manageable. As long as I am surrounded by that which I know and love, I know that I can tackle anything.
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I live in the middle of nowhere, by most standards. My house is backed by a strip of woods, and the street I live off is bordered on both sides by sinkholes. I live in the suburbs, and the houses are spread far apart; thus, the house I grew up in has a big backyard. I have spent a large part of my life outside, in that familiar, comforting place.
My backyard has a lot of really pleasant memories for me. When I was very little, my dad always encouraged my siblings and I to be active, especially during the summer. We would kick the soccer ball around, practice batting, and go jogging with him. We would all get eaten alive by the mosquitoes, but I still remember going through all the dribbling and shooting drills with particular fondness. Running around the perimeter of our yard, behind the sets of pine trees, beside the wild honeysuckle and blackberry bushes, and past the garden became a beloved, yet familiar path for all of us. My dad and I would walk around to all the trees, picking the small, yet delicious, fruit from the apple and pear trees.
In the spring, my two siblings and I would run around in the rain, often wearing ridiculous clothing and swimming goggles, just for the fun of it. My mom always used to joke that the Missouri and the Mississippi were in our own backyard, because certain parts of our yard flooded, forming two rivers that joined and ran off into the woods. After shouting all that I knew of “Singin’ in the Rain” and ”Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head”, I was soaked to the bone, and I went inside to dry off with my colorful blue beach towel.
Although I was never brave enough to face the winter cold every day, I would always brave the elements when it came to snow. I was always the first of my siblings to go in due to frozen limbs, while my sister was the snow queen; however, I always stayed out just long enough to help build a snowman or participate in a snowball fight. We have a hill in the backyard that is perfect for sledding, and Jim and I would always race down the slopes. Although it was bitterly cold, I always found that during that snowy season, the snowy season beautiful, and as I got older, I was the one taking photographs of the trees, with their bare branches covered in a delicate layer of ice.
Fall is one of the most gorgeous times of the year. Our yard is filled with trees that we have planted over the years, and when the leaves start to change, it is truly magical. There are so many different colors and patterns. I always mourned the loss of the color when the leaves turned brown with death and fell to the ground, but the crisp, crunching sound made when jumping into a pile of leaves never failed to make me smile.
I have always enjoyed being in nature, and my yard provides a place to relax. Although I cannot spend nearly as much time outside as I used to, due to homework and school, I still spend as much time as I can outside, sitting on my back porch, enjoying the beauty and comfort of a familiar, yet always changing place. My yard is where I live both literally and figuratively; my house is on the land, but it has come to represent something much more important to me. It represents the memories of the good times I have had with my family, and the good times I will have in the future. It is my home, one of the places where I am happiest, and where I truly belong.
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The last few weeks, I have been reflecting a lot about who I am in the process of trying to figure out “where I live.” One thing that I noticed was that my life seems to be defined by those people surrounding me on a daily basis, and the interactions I have with them. All of the places I “live in” are special to me because of the memories I associate with them, most of which are related to those people that are closest to me. My life is defined by those who I care about, and those who care about me. I live in love.
My family is my main support group. All my best memories, especially from my childhood, involve my family. My family is quirky, with traditions and habits that are unique to us, but are also honest, trustworthy, and loving. It is because of my family that I believe so strongly in the values I have, and it is due to their loving guidance that I am the person I am today. My family has been there throughout all the seasons of my life, encouraging me and teaching me to never give up. I live in the love of my family, because no matter where I go in my life, I will always have the lessons they taught me, and the support they offered me throughout my life. Even when they are gone, my family will be in my heart for the rest of my days.
My friends are those people who help on those long, busy school days, when I would rather be in bed than going to class. They add a spark to my life, a bright array of color and individuality that can turn even the gloomiest of days around. Each of my unique, crazy friends brings something new to my life: Emily is blunt and sarcastic, the rebel of the group, but she is also caring, reaching out to help where many others might falter; Sarah is a truly passionate person, and does not let anything get in her way; Maria is poetic and wise, but never fails to make me laugh when her odd sense of humor shines through; and Liz is probably the most like me, just a bit nerdy and completely obsessed with music. However, when the need arises, they are all there for me, reminding me why my friendships are so important to me. My friends, like my family, are imperfect, but they never fail to make my life a bit more interesting. Their love for me and my love for them have helped to make my high school experience worthwhile, and I fully intend to keep in touch with them, even once I leave the walls of the school. I live in the love of my friends, because even as the circumstances change in our lives, they have touched my life, and that is something that can never be taken away.
I think it is important to love myself, because if I cannot love myself, how can I establish relationships with other people? By learning to accept myself, despite my faults, I am starting a chain reaction that will affect the rest of my life. Developing respect for myself leads to reaching for higher goals, and making more of my life than I would otherwise. In loving myself, I am allowing myself to be happy in my own skin, which brings optimism in my life. I live in love for myself every day of my life, in every positive choice I make, and in every healthy relationship I build.
Loving relationships define my life, although I have never experienced romantic love. I am surrounded by people who care about me and love me, which is all that I need in my life to be happy. I am connected to and impacted by everyone I meet, even if it is not obvious. I am the person I am because of the relationships I’ve had, and the love I have had poured on me throughout my entire life. I am a very lucky person to have grown up in such a caring atmosphere, and I would not trade it for the world.
