Betrayal At Its Best

"Sure, you can," Lyssa said, having partially repaired the cracks on her emotional block. "Voldemort does it all the time." She shrugged slightly.

"Oh?" Cassie said biting down on her sadness, her anger and annoyance returned. "You're comparing yourself to Voldemort? How fucked up in the head are you? He's a fricken sycopath. Do you want to be a homocidal murderer? What the fuck?" She realised that what she was saying probably didn't even make the slightest bit of sense. "What the fuck are you getting out of this Lyssa? What made you change?"

Lyssa looked at Cassie, thankful that the other girl wasn't crying anymore. "I'm not, nor will I ever be a murderer. Murderers enjoy killing people." She stopped for a moment, considerring what else she was going to say. "And I'm not getting anything much out of this. I'm just getting what I think I deserve. I think I deserve to have people hate me; I'm a horrible person. And even though I'm admitting that I am, I'm not going to do anything to change it."

"You're a murderer because you kill people not because you enjoy it," Cassie snarled at her, she wiped her eyes for any remaining tears. "And you are, yes I'll admit that. But you used to not be, that only started this year after you'd gone mad." She was standing up straight now, no longer using the wall for support, but knowing how easily her emotions got out of controll she was likely to use it again. "You used to be great. What changed? Why'd you leave floundering on my own?"

Lyssa gave a short laugh. "First, stop implying that I'm a murderer," she said. "Second, you want to know what changed? What changed is that I realized that hanging around you was a waste of my time and that all it was doing was getting me hurt from your stupid, childish antics." Of course, this was all a lie. Lyssa had never realized that. Instead, she'd just gotten lost on a path that led to the Dark, and she didn't know her way back. But no one seemed to realize this.

"I'm not implying," Cassie snapped at her, she really was feeling as if someone had pulled the ground out from under her. "I'm stating a fact." She swallowed trying to push back the lump that had appeared in her throat. Trying to make her cry. She had had enough of crying. But her emotions didn't seem to want to agree with her. She blinked furiously, not allowing the tears to roll down her face. She had no idea what to reply to that, she just felt kind of deflated. Maybe if she didn't feel so beat up already she would have thought of something witty to reply but she'd just lost it, her spark has been distinguished.

Lyssa snorted at her. "Whatever," she said. "Believe what you want to believe. I'm done talking to you. You're just going to keep trying to convince me of lies and I'm not in the mood, nor do I have the energy to deal with you."

"They're not lies." Cassie said quietly closing her eyes and leaning back on the wall again. She was emotionally drained and felt worse then she would have it someone had repeaditivly whacked her with something. "You just don't want to believe them because you're afraid of what will happen if you do."

Lyssa gave her a frustrated look. "I'm not afraid of anything," she snapped, although, her facial expression said otherwise.

"Yes you are," Cassie said opening her eyes and looking at the other girl. "Everyone's afraid of something." Cassie's fear at that point in time was something happening to the rest of her family. She actually just wanted to get home and see how her parents were and how they were coping. They'd already lost one daughter and for all her parents knew she could be dead also. "And you can see it in your face. You trying to be indifferent about it all but you're not. You're just trying to hide behind a fake mask."

"So what if I am?" Lyssa challenged. "If it makes life easier for me, then why not hide behind a mask? It's a lot easier than being destroyed by emotions that I do not want in the first place, and ones that I wish I didn't have to deal with ever."

"Because it means your weak. You'd rather run and hide then face your problems. Running doesn't solve anything, it'll catch you up in the end and everything that once was small will crash down on you in a giant wave."

"I know I'm weak!" Lyssa cried. "I know I am!" Then she calmed down some. "You don't have to tell me. But if I were to give into them now, they would crush me. They've been building up since that day."

"Fine," Cassie snapped at her. "Act like a cold hearted bitch if you fucking want to. I'm sick of it, I give up. You're too intent of wallowing in your own fricken self pity to let anyone try and help you. You'd rather be bloody misrable then admit you are freaking wrong."

"You don't get it, Cass," Lyssa said, frowning. "No one has tried to help me. No one's been there lately. I've been stuck on my own." She shook her head slightly. "I don't want to be cold and heartless. I just don't have any other choise that is palpable."

"No-one has tried to help you? Oh give me a freaking break. Don't I classify as a fricken person? Or are you too stuck in your own fricken world to notice that? I've been trying to help you from the fricken start but you've just fricken pushed that help away."

"Did you not hear me? I said lately! As in recently. As in since I killed someone!" Lyssa said. "Who could I have turned to? My parents? Not likely. The Death Eaters? Hardly. And certainly not Voldemort. You weren't there then."

"Course I wasn't there then! I was stuck in a fricken cellar! And you wouldn't have needed help then if you'd just taken it in the first bloody place and not gone fricken mad."

"I'm a Gryffindor, mad or not. I don't take help easily. It has to be forced upon me sometimes I think," Lyssa said. "Right now, I'm rather lost, and I don't know the way back. So, I'm just going with what is easiet. And it's easier conforming than fighting."

"And you're calling yourself a Gryffindor?" Cassie asked incredolously. "Since when do we do what's easiest? Since when do we give up? We don't Lyss. That what makes us Gryffindors because we keep fighting even if we are doomed for failure."

"Allow me to rephrase it then. I'm a Gryffindor that was raised by Slytherins. I'm all for going at it and taking risks until I'm at risk," she said. "Does that make it any better? Or does that make it worse?"

"That makes it worse," Cassie said. She leaned against the wall and sunk tothe ground, her head in her hands. "I give up," She muttered into her knee's. Her voice probably coming out like a muffled inconprehensible mutter. "Its just too hard."

"No," Lyssa said. "You're not. You just went on about how Gryffindors fight."

"There's only so much I can take before I can't keep fighting Lyss. I'm trying, god how I'm trying but I just can't. It's killing me." She sighed. "Giving in would kill me as well, looks like im dying either way. Lovely." She ran a hand through her hair.

"Then I give up as well," Lyssa replied. "You are the strongest person I've ever known. If you can't take it, then there's not way in hell that I can." She shrugged slightly, looking out a window that was in the hallway, out at the night sky.