The Cruelty of the Writers (Previously 'Bleh to lazy to think of a catchy title)

Nicole turned completely over. "I wouldn't even know where to start with any of that," she said looking at Cassie with sad eyes. "And I don't know who I would tell. Mum's useless at this sort of stuff and so is Vena and I trust them the most, no offense to you. I just don't know you."

Cassie shrugged lightly. "I'm not surprised you don't trust me," She said with a sigh, running a hand through her hair. "But you need to talk. Even if it's about the weather. You need to slowly work your way back into the world. Not just sitting by and watching it pass, and talking helps. Quite a lot."

"You seem to know a lot about this sort of stuff," Nicole commented as she noticed it. "Would you....mind if I talked to you? It might be easier to talk to someone I'm not exactly close to."

"I've been througn my share of crap," Cassie said with a slight sigh, she nodded though. "I'm listening if you want to talk."

Nicole nodded at Cassie. "Can I get some water first? My throat feels like it's about to host a mutiny if I don't."

Cassie nodded and Nicole went to get water.

When Nic got back, having completely avoided seeing her mother, she sat on the bed. "Ok, gimme a place to start, because I'm lost."

"What were you thinking on the day you were kidnapped?" Cassie asked grabbing the first thing she could think of. Cassie could remember that day. It was weird, that Nic's disapearance had brought Lyssa and Cassie back together again. (we really do fail at keeping them apart. The world wants them together apparently)

Nicole coughed for a second as the question caught her off-guard. "That was a long time ago," she commented. "But I remember being scared, even though I don't think I showed it. I just mouthed off a lot. I just wanted to get home again so badly. And then there was Vena and she kept me safe, from most of them at least. So, while I still wanted to get home, I was started to get used to being at the place. And then, I think I just forgot all about my mum and Laur and you, which really isn't too hard to do when a ton of other stuff is being drilled into your brain."

Cassie looked at Nicole, wondering which of them had ended worst off. Or well, before Nicole spending ten years in Azkaban. Because that would be hell. Cassie wondered if she would have ended worse or better off if she had stopped fighting and done what she was told to. But she knew that even if she had ended better of, she wouldn't have. She was just too stubborn. Cassie nodded at Nicole. "What did you think of Vena?" She asked the girl.

Nicole thought for a moment. "I would never say this to her face, but she's sort of almost like a sister to me I think. She was practically the only person I saw for five years after all, if you don't count the random Death Eater encounters, or encounters with Voldemort. And even though she's not the best person in the world at being sentimental, she has her moments."

Cassie nodded, wondering what that was like. To barely see anyone for five years and the people that you do are Death Eaters. It wouldn't be pleasant. "What about at the trial?" She asked.

Nicole started to say something, but coughed instead as her voice tried to give out on her. She'd been talking too much. Once she stopped coughing, Nicole looked at Cassie. She ran a hand through her hair, the memory still too fresh in her mind despite the number of years it had been since. She tried to take a few deep breaths, since she seemed short on them for a moment. "Can..." she started to say but stopped for a moment. "Can we not talk about that? I don't think I can..."

Cassie nodded. "That's fine," She said. She felt like one of those phycologists and made an inward face at the fact. She tried to think of soemtghing else to ask her. but if she didn't want to talk about the trial she wouldn't want to talk about Azkaban.

Nicole then proceeded to close her eyes and take deep breaths. She knew this was what she needed to talk about the most, but she just couldn't. It was still too fresh, and still too deeply embedded in her mind, and still too traumatizing. A moment later she was calm again. Nic looked at Cassie. "You're not very good at this," she said. "You say I need to talk, and then I say I don't want to and you're all okay."

"You need to talk but I'm not going to push you if you don't want to," Cassie said with a light shrug. "I know what the feeling is like, I think one of my freinds got a black eye before she got the point that some things I didn't want to talk about."

"But I need to right?" Nicole said, frowning. "So I might as well get it out of the way. To save me the trouble later, when I've had more time to think on it all."

"If you want to," Cassie said shrugging lightly. She wasn't going to push it.

Nicole frowned thoughtfully. "I don't want to. I need to, however, because if I don't I'm probably just going to sink into depression, even worse than I am now..."

Cassie nodded. "Alright," She said. "What was your first reaction to it?"

Nicole was quiet for a long moment. Then she took a deep breath and answered the question. "Sheer terror. Little known fact, I'm terribly claustrophobic..."

Cassie made a :\ face. Being in azkaban would be bad enough, but also having a fear of inclosed spaces would make it even worse.

"And you'd think after time a person would get used to it, but you don't," Nicole continued, voice cracking just a little because it was hard to talk about. "I cried every day. Had nightmares when I slept. I didn't move, didn't talk. Basically, I tried to become numb, so that I wasn't thinking of how small a place I was in, or how much I didn't want to be there. I would have succeeded had I not had people out here, waiting for me."

Cassie couldn't even imagine what that was like. She didn't want to think about what it would be like. It was undoubtably a heck of a lot worse then what she had endured when she was seventeen. Even though Nicole didn't know her well Cassie hugged her gently.

"That's not even half of it," Nic said, not even registering the hug she was so far gone into the memories. "After a while I did numb out about it all. Wasn't aware of anything for a long while. I just stayed curled up in a corner, staring blankly at nothing in particular. Probably would have lost it all completely. But then mum showed up. Didn't recognize her at first. When I did though, I said the first I had since the day I'd been shoved in. I said 'Mum', and it hurt my throat so much to talk again. She knelt down next to me and ask me a question, something about if I could stand up. I don't remember it. I just remember trying and failing to stand up. So, she..." Nicole stopped, obviously bothered by the memory. "She carried me out, and then Apparated us home. Apparently, I was light enough for her to pick up. Wouldn't have been surprised. The few days after that are really blurry. I just remember sitting on my bed and looking off into space while mum bustled around doing things for me. But I do know that, the second mum touched my arm in the prison cell, all of my fear went away, because it registered to me that it was over."